It is not often that my two-year old son teaches me something. Outside of the names of dinosaurs, I can safely say that at this point he does not know more than I do. But one area that he far exceeds me in is emotional expressivity (I think I just made that word up). The emotions of a two-year old are pure and innocent. Now that Aaron is approaching 3 (just over two months away), he has developed more complex emotions, like getting upset, or refusing to cooperate, and reacting to how Diana and I are feeling. I read somewhere that the hormonal changes of a two-year old rival that of a teenager and I can believe it.
Well, this morning, they taught me a lesson. We have had a productive weekend, getting a chance to do some things around the house, have a walk along the ocean, and spend some time together as a family. In my usual fashion, I left a few things from the weekend tasks cluttering the house, which bothers Diana. So, this morning she asked me to clean up some the stuff laying around. And, unfortunately, it rubbed me the wrong way, so I did the assigned task and then decided a little silent treatment was needed (no, that is not the lesson I learned from my two-year old, childish as it seems). So, over the following 10-15 minutes, I continued to get ready for work, brushing my teeth, taking out the trash, all while ignoring Diana, creating a tension between us. During this time, I wondered if Aaron would pick up on this. I was trying to interact with him as I always would, but not sure how successful I was being.
As I headed out the door, I had a chat with Diana and she apologized for the comment, which I accepted, recognizing how childish I was actually being. I asked Aaron for a cuddle and he ran away. I didn't really have time to chase him, so I asked again and he refused. For the next few minutes, as I am getting my jacket and helmet on and pushing the bike out, I continually asked for a cuddle or kiss, but he refused every time. Even as I started to drive off, he refused to wave, blow a kiss or even say good bye, which on a ordinary day, can take a few minutes to accomplish.
Now, I am not sure that my refusal to talk to Diana led to this reaction from Aaron. Mondays are often hard days to say goodbye because after a whole weekend together, I don't think he appreciates me leaving, but the tension between Diana and I probably didn't help. The one thing that I am sure about is the pain that I felt as I drove away. His rejection, although most likely hormonal and not intended to inflict emotional pain, delivered a sharp prick of guilt and remorse. It is not often that we get immediate feedback on the ugliness of our actions. My reaction to Diana and my subsequent treatment of her was petty, childish and mean, designed to return some of the selfish pain from my bruised ego. Aaron's unwillingness to say goodbye was merely a two-year old reacting to a situation, but delivering a powerful lesson about the the pain we can inflict on those we love. This stark reminder will linger for a while longer, but will eventually be soaked up by the business of life, and that is why I am writing it down, so that these words will remind me that nothing is as important as caring, loving and never mistreating the ones that we love.
Diana, I am sorry. Aaron, I love you (and I will get a cuddle when I get home, no matter how long I have to chase you :)
